Wouldn't It Be Loverly?

look look look, another post!!

2008-01-25T18:55:31Z

so i was going back thru my old posts. lol. that is some funny stuff!! brought back some memories. i started lj almost 4 years ago. that is insane! okay so here is a survey i posted back in the day. read that and then i'm gonna change the answers to how they are NOW. it will be interesting!! enjoy!

bold answers are the current answers.

1. What time do you get up? Depends on my schedule 630, or 815. 630-7

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? I would eat lunch with my grandma because I miss her and I havent seen her in a great long while. you know whats crazy about this, is i posted this survey april 24th of 2004 and my grandma passed away almost exactly 2 months after filling this out. and my answer would still be the same. i miss her a lot.

3. Gold or silver? Silver allllll the way! Platinum would be even better!!! i'm taking a liking to gold more and more...but i still wear silver

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Kill Bill Vol. 2 AWESOME movie! Quentin Tarentino is brilliant I must say! the chipmunks

5. What is your favorite TV show? The O.C. greys anatomy

6. What do you have for breakfast? Either McDonald's or a pop tart...ooOOoo I just tried a new kind Hot Fudge Sundae oh my lord let me tell you...It is INCREDIBLY DELISH! it depends, cereal, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal..ya know grown up stuff. no more bad food

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? I would hate to be stuck in a room with Jamie Tompkins, a girl I work with. I would probably kill her because if we were stuck in a room and noone would let us out, I think it would justifiable. Am I right or am I right? the current president. he is seriously...dumber than a box of rocks and he really pisses me off.

8. What/who inspires you? Liz you are sooo beautiful, and you just made me cry! I love you girl! Several people inspire me, Liz you inspire me everyday with the way you think and they way talk. My grandmother inspires me, she is a strong woman and I love her to death, Drew inspires me he can do anything and make it right. My dad inspires me because he can just flat out put up with my mom. :P My mom because I love her, she is too a strong woman. My sister, lets just say we have a bond and I will always be there for her. And for last, WHAT inspires me, art, individuality, personality and passion. my answers previously are pretty accurate still to this day.

9. What is your middle name? Man, I didnt really want to say but OKAY! Ann.

10. Beach, City or Country? hmmmm, curious but WHAT?!. lol, i cant believe i didnt understand that...i would choose beach

11. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate Bevarian mint (gelato) ooo that ice cream sounds good, but i love mudpie by cold stone creamery with mocha icecream! mmm

12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? butter same

13. Favorite color? pink with black no more pink and black for me! i like red! or blue w/ brown.

14. What kind of car do you drive? 95 Eagle Talon TSi w/ Turbo. lol that car is sitting in my father in laws barn. i drive a 96 honda accord now.

15. Favorite sandwich? sandwich, hmmm used to be Seafood Crab Salad from Old Mill, but I got a lil sick of it sooo, I'll have to find a new. i like ham, smoked turkey, chicken salad, tuna, bologna! mmm

16. What characteristic do you despise? Someone who plays a cameloeon (sp). I know everyone blends in to sortof get to know the environment but once we get comfortable we become ourselves but not cameloeons they chose to blend in and not be their true selves and to me that is cowardness. i think i despise it most when someone is twofaced and pretends that they want to be your friend.

17. Favorite flower? Daisies calla lillies

18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Hawaii or the Caymen Islands or Figi italy or germany

19. What color is your bathroom? White beige walls with calla lily accents. dark brown and blue accents

20. Favorite brand of clothing? I dont have a particular brand of clothing if I see something I like and have money to pay for it well there ya go! I'll be wearing it. this hasnt changed.

21. Where would you retire to? A place where I would be most happy if my kids are in a place I would most likely move where my kids are. I dont want to miss a moment. anywhere really. as long as i am happy.

22. Favorite day of the week? It's almost an oxymoron but i like mondays but i really hate mondays It's the worst day of the week but I look forward to mondays because I leave early from work and it is NIIICE lol i remember mondays at work. lets see my fav day of the week is probably friday...

23. What did you do for last birthday? please dont ask. i wonder what that was about...lets see...my friend liz came by, my parents came by and took me to dinner and my inlaws came by. it was a nice day. drew worked both jobs so i didnt get to see him till he got home at like midnight... :(

24. Where were you born? Wichita, Ks

25. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey same

26. Favorite book/movie/song? favorite book would be The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks/ Favorite Movie haha i have too many but I'll just say for now that Kill Bill vol 1 and vol 2 are my fav/Song anything by The Flaming Lips. pretty much everything is the same except my fav song is by colbie caillat - magic. its an awesome song!

27. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide same

28. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi same

29. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Definitely a night owl that would explain why I am still up at 145 in the morning and I have to work at 845 tomorrow! lol this has not changed even with 2 kids. drew works 2nd so i wait for him to get home!

31. What is your shoe size? 9

32. Do you have any pets? No I dont. yes a black lab. she is currently mia right now. she's been gone for almost a day...she gets out every chance she can. especially now that she is in heat. lovely! i'm sure we will be having pups soon.

well there ya have it! time changes things huh? well i hope you enjoyed as much as i did!
i still cant get over my grandma. i posted that 2 months before she died. wow.

well today i will be hanging with my mom and sister playing cards and eating pizza! i discovered a new pizza that i am craving badly! spinach alfredo with chicken. mmmm!!

here are some pics from last night! enjoy!

for shar!

2008-01-25T07:08:39Z

well drew and i ran into shar on msn messenger! its been quite awhile since we all have talked! i promised i would update! so i am...now i'm not promising i will keep up with it all the time because i have a blogger site! http://mrsboyd.blogspot.com/. i blog there quite a bit! anyway!

its been 2 years! goodness..quite a bit has happened since the last post. i have recently quite my job of 5 years at a bank to stay at home with my babies...yes...i said babies! my first one just turned 3 in january (anabelle) and alex is 16 months old. he is almost bigger than anabelle too. its funny. they weigh the same but he is getting tall and big! he is such a mommas boy and i love it! every minute of it. staying home has been quite a change for me. when i first quite drew had picked up a 2nd job with being a mechanic here at the house...but our neighborhood hated it so he had to stop that. he then started looking into working for spirit aerosystems (boeing) and so he is there now full time and at o'reilly's parttime. when he first started at spirit he got REALLY sick. so sick we came really close to losing him. he got menegitus in the spine. it was a frightening thing to watch. it was really hard to bare. we spent an entire week in the hospital and then he came home with an iv in his arm and we made 2 trips to the hospital a day for his antibiotics and that lasted almost 2 weeks. he was off work for a total of a month. now he is working both jobs. and working himself AGAIN. he worries me. makes me feel guilty for staying at home. but i know its better for our children. so we are now finally settling in and enjoying ourselves. well..when we can see eachother that is! well its quite late and i am taking kids (not mine) to school. here are pics! enjoy! miss you all! and hope to hear from you!

there ya have it! anabelle, alex + ashley!

Hey

2005-11-02T16:17:56Z

Sorry guys that it's been forever since I've updated. I'm so used to Xanga now that I totally forget about this place.

Shar thanks for the comment on Anabelle's page! It was good to see you!!
Miss you all!
*Beck*

kalewialoha @ 2005-01-02T02:56:00

2005-01-02T09:00:36Z

Guess what?! I'm posting!!!!! It's been a really long time since I have posted on here!
Things have been quite different since then too. I'm a big tub a lard...hehe. And I'm due in 3 weeks. Hopefully sooner than that!! I'm ready to see our Anabelle!!

Here is a link for you guys to check us out!

http://babiesonline.com/babies/a/anabelle1/

Right now, I'm doing laundry because I cant sleep and I need to get the baby clothes clean before she decides to surprise us! We have the baby room almost done, we still have to get a mattress for the crib and then put the bedding and we need a dresser BADLY. I got so many clothes for this child, its not even funny. I would rather have some other things I didnt get that is a lil more important. But anywho! I hope everyone is doing well! I'm gonna go and finish things up and get my butt to bed!!! I am TIRED!

Love ya and Miss ya!
*Becky*

tired!

2004-08-21T23:16:57Z

Today was kinda busy...I got up for to go to work, hung out with my friend liz we did some runnin' around! Then we hung out with her sister while Ashley (Drew's daughter) played with her sisters son. They had a blast...and now I'm hope. I'm ready to eat a whole dang buffet right now.

I felt the baby move a little bit today...but nothing like I really want to feel. I look extra pregnant today. It's cute. We told Ashley last night that we were having her a baby sister or brother and she came over to me sat down on the couch, crossed her legs and said "let me tell you something, kids shouldnt have babies" and walked away. Drew was like "why"? she said "cuz". It was the cutest thing ever. But she keeps asking me..."is there a baby in there?" She's just too much sometimes!!

Drew cleaned the house and started laundry while I was gone...let me tell you how exstatic I was!! I dont even know if I spelled that right! hehe. Anyway. I hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll post some pictures up of my belly. You'll get a kick of it I know it!

Okay I'm done jabbering! Love ya guys!

*Becky*

kalewialoha @ 2004-08-17T18:54:00

2004-08-17T23:54:42Z

nhui nbyoiy'

kalewialoha @ 2004-08-17T18:44:00

2004-08-17T23:52:20Z

Wow, It's been a really long time. I almost forgot what I was supposed to do on here.

I miss you too Shar. I'm sorry if I havent been on my computer is crap and I hate it. lol.

A lot has been going on but it seems like its the same ol' shit different day. One thing that is different is my baby thats growing inside of me. It's awesome. Its the best thing that has happened to me so far.

I'm 17weeks and 5 days. I had an appt. yesterday and everything checked out fine. I'm gaining the correct amount of weight. So I'm happy about that. The dr. however doesnt know that I'm not eating all that well but I just can only eat what I'm craving. And thats all the junky stuff. :P Usually I have known the baby's heart beat every appt but yesterday she didnt tell me and I spaced it off to ask. I spaced off a lot of questions....BAD BECKY. I wanted to see if they would take Drew's blood to find out what type he is but I didnt ask. I'm blood type B- and I have to find out what Drew is in order to decide whether I'll have to take a shot at 28weeks and at 72 hours before delivery. Since I have a - blood type then it will want to reject the baby. So whatever. I still dont understand it completely. I go in 2 weeks to find out what IT is. We are hoping for a girl....but I'll be happy as long as its healthy.

We've picked out names and I kinda like em. I really like the boys name (cuz I picked it out) but the girls name I dont know for sure. Allison Rachael and Aiden Michael. So let me know what you think.

Miss ya Shar! I hope eveything is going well for you. How's the house btw!?!?!

kalewialoha @ 2004-05-16T02:35:00

2004-05-16T07:37:49Z

Drew kills himself the same way as me, but just not even less than a year before me and I leave the same kind of note....interesting!! this is hilarious!

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?	You will hang yourself
How many tries will it take?	72
When will you commit suicide?	June 24, 2031
What will your suicide note say?	Now there's simply one less heart left to break

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

woah

2004-05-16T07:34:43Z

SCARY!!! That is ONE day before my birthday....

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?	You will hang yourself
How many tries will it take?	50
When will you commit suicide?	January 8, 2032
What will your suicide note say?	This broken heart will never mend, so never shall I breathe again

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

interesting.....

2004-05-16T07:30:04Z

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?	You will hang yourself
How many tries will it take?	38
When will you commit suicide?	March 17, 2021
What will your suicide note say?	Now there's simply one less heart left to break

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

kalewialoha @ 2004-05-15T00:11:00

2004-05-15T05:12:47Z

What Makes You Sexy? by eva71
Name/NickName
Gender
Sexy Body Part Is	Your Hair
Special Talents Are	Kissing

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

That could be me!

2004-04-30T00:00:38Z

B ~ You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
E ~ You are a very exciting person
C ~ You definitel have a partier side in you, dont be shy to show it.
K ~ You like to try new things.
Y ~ You cause a lot of trouble.

HEHEHEH! That*s funny!

The Alphabet

A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you, dont be shy to show it.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are a very exciting person.
F - Everyone loves you.
G - You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H - You are not judgemental.
I - You are always smiling & making others smile.
J - Jealousy.
K - You like to try new things.
L - Love is something you deeply believe in.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
O - You are very open-minded.
P - You are very friendly and understanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - You are very broad-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V - You have very good physical and looks.
W - You like your privacy.
X - You never let people tell you what to do.
Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
Z - You're always fighting with someone.

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-28T22:25:00

2004-04-29T03:27:23Z

1. Go into your LJ's Archieves
2. Go to the 23rd post (or closet to it)
3. Go to the 5th sentence (or closest to it)
4. Post it regularly with the instructions.

::SIGH:: I'm tired, bored, irratible, upset, mostly bored. ::SIGH::

hehe, intersting that is sooo me!

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-28T22:18:00

2004-04-29T03:19:00Z

It's so nice of you guys to comment to my entries! LOVE YA!

Just a lil survey!

2004-04-25T02:57:11Z

1. What time do you get up? Depends on my schedule 630, or 815.

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? I would eat lunch with my grandma because I miss her and I havent seen her in a great long while.

3. Gold or silver? Silver allllll the way! Platinum would be even better!!!

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Kill Bill Vol. 2 AWESOME movie! Quentin Tarentino is brilliant I must say!

5. What is your favorite TV show? The O.C.

6. What do you have for breakfast? Either McDonald's or a pop tart...ooOOoo I just tried a new kind Hot Fudge Sundae oh my lord let me tell you...It is INCREDIBLY DELISH!

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? I would hate to be stuck in a room with Jamie Tompkins, a girl I work with. I would probably kill her because if we were stuck in a room and noone would let us out, I think it would justifiable. Am I right or am I right?

8. What/who inspires you? Liz you are sooo beautiful, and you just made me cry! I love you girl! Several people inspire me, Liz you inspire me everyday with the way you think and they way talk. My grandmother inspires me, she is a strong woman and I love her to death, Drew inspires me he can do anything and make it right. My dad inspires me because he can just flat out put up with my mom. :P My mom because I love her, she is too a strong woman. My sister, lets just say we have a bond and I will always be there for her. And for last, WHAT inspires me, art, individuality, personality and passion.

9. What is your middle name? Man, I didnt really want to say but OKAY! Ann.

10. Beach, City or Country? hmmmm, curious but WHAT?!.

11. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate Bevarian mint (gelato)

12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn? butter

13. Favorite color? pink with black

14. What kind of car do you drive? 95 Eagle Talon TSi w/ Turbo.

15. Favorite sandwich? sandwich, hmmm used to be Seafood Crab Salad from Old Mill, but I got a lil sick of it sooo, I'll have to find a new.

16. What characteristic do you despise? Someone who plays a cameloeon (sp). I know everyone blends in to sortof get to know the environment but once we get comfortable we become ourselves but not cameloeons they chose to blend in and not be their true selves and to me that is cowardness.

17. Favorite flower? Daisies

18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Hawaii or the Caymen Islands or Figi

19. What color is your bathroom? White

20. Favorite brand of clothing? I dont have a particular brand of clothing if I see something I like and have money to pay for it well there ya go! I'll be wearing it.

21. Where would you retire to? A place where I would be most happy if my kids are in a place I would most likely move where my kids are. I dont want to miss a moment.

22. Favorite day of the week? It's almost an oxymoron but i like mondays but i really hate mondays It's the worst day of the week but I look forward to mondays because I leave early from work and it is NIIICE

23. What did you do for last birthday? please dont ask.

24. Where were you born? Wichita, Ks

25. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey

26. Favorite book/movie/song? favorite book would be The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks/ Favorite Movie haha i have too many but I'll just say for now that Kill Bill vol 1 and vol 2 are my fav/Song anything by The Flaming Lips.

27. What fabric detergent do you use? Tide

28. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi

29. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Definitely a night owl that would explain why I am still up at 145 in the morning and I have to work at 845 tomorrow!

31. What is your shoe size? 9

32. Do you have any pets? No I dont.

Neive

2004-04-24T06:11:35Z

Life is interesting and complicated. Wouldn*t it just be nice for it to be simple for once? Everytime I try to communicate with anyone everything is always never understood. Am I that hard to understand, do I not speak the same language as everyone else? It is so hard for me to not just blow up and get seriously irrate. Well, I do get irrate but REALLY irrate. Everyone around me can speak their mind and in fact do every single day. Why can*t I. Excuse me, I can...but very seldom is it excuseable. I am just like everyone out there that has feelings and a heart and a mind...that wants to be heard. Some things that happen in my life I just can*t imagine would*ve happened. It is ironic how I can look back and say to myself "that will never happen to me" ha ha. That is funny. I always dreamed of myself as being a perfect person that everyone adored and loved to be around and I would never hurt anyone. I also always dreamed that everyone would be the same way towards me....how silly am I? Pretty damn silly. I consider myself to have common sense of things, but in all reality I don*t. I have a blind fold that covers my eyes of this world. I can*t see through it, nor can I peak. I am so neive. My hands are free to remove that blind fold, but I choose not to. Neive. One day I will have sense of things and it will all be clear to me and I will see the truth.

It is sad that I have gone through my life believing that everything/everyone was perfect. That noone or nothing could hurt me. I knew it was capable but I did not believe it was capable of happening to me or anyone around me. My whole life I was sugar coated. I met someone long ago that has been trying to delute my sugar coat and I have been fighting it. My mind and heart won*t allow me to free that blind fold. That blessed blind fold, it is what causes me pain but yet I don*t realize it. If only I was brave enough to remove it, I just might be free. Instead of crying of hurt, I will cry of happiness and joy. Because I will know the truth and I will be prepared for anything.

Like I said life is interesting and complicated.

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-22T17:53:00

2004-04-22T22:53:59Z

::sigh:: I told a girl at work today, that I was indeed going. I got some good advice from her and I am happy I told her. I trust her completely. This girl which is kinda of ironic, we used to be best friends in grade school and throughout middle school and we went to different High Schools so that*s why we stopped talking and I had not seen her since. Well one day she came into the branch to have an interview and well she got the job....small world. I miss that girl. She has a great head on her shoulders, when I told her that I was indeed going she started to get teary eyed and of course I cried. I was waiting for the perfect moment to tell someone and I left it to God to give me peace about it and sure enough He did. I had to go back to the vault and I said someone needs to come back to the vault with me and I said to myself if she comes I will say something if she doesn*t come and someone else does then I*m not sayin* a word.

I feel comfortable now. More at ease. I don*t feel as shameful as I did before.

Last night was a blast....RIGHT LIZ!?!?!! Liz, Libby, Drew and I well we smoked some and then we went to IHOP and made goofs out of ourselves. It was sooooo much fun!!

"I KNOW, AND NOW I WANT TO GO" hehe. Libby does a great impression of the Brenda from Sol Goode. ehehe. Last night man, was soo much fun.....now I know why I like to smoke! hehe I am sooo incredibly bad, but not as bad as Libbol tho!

Liz I am praying that everything goes well tonight. CALL ME!

Okay goin* to Wally world and then possibly to my grandma*s too see some family that is in town!

ADIOS!

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-21T19:12:00

2004-04-22T00:13:12Z

Well, today was a trip! Sometimes, I really just hate my job. I get pulled at 2 different directions from my manager and a girl that isn* even above me. We are at equal authority and she is constantly telling me what to do, how to do my job and telling me to DO my job. I think the only reason she does that is because I took her position 3months ago. :P hehe! Stupid bitch I swear! I can*t stand that place nomore. It is gettin* ridiculous. DRAMA. DRAMA. I guess that is wha I get for working with ALLLLL women!

Well on a good note! I'm learning html, so now, I can my site bad ass. I probably already talked about this, but I am extremely happy about it! Pretty soon I will be able to do some pretty wicked stuff. :P hehe, what a dork I am.

I*m hungry! HUNGRY! I think I*m gonna go make some food!

Well it was 4:20 yesterday and I didn*t get high...DAMN!

I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I LOVE DREW!!!

Yes I*m a dork, but don*t tell him that! he doesn*t know! hehe YA RIGHT!

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-14T23:15:00

2004-04-15T04:20:06Z

Well tonight was awesome! Hung out with my friends and smoked a little! FUN! Now Drew is watchin' LOTR and Liz and I are downloading music...and laughing. :P We went to braum's and well I wont go into detail because it wont be funny to any of you because you werent there...

...Well my review is tomorrow...wish me luck!! dun dun dun!!

oooOOOOOoooOoOOooOOOOoOoOoOOoOoO touching youuuuUUU....touching meEEEEEeeee. Okay I'm done...off to...okay I dont know where! :P

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-08T23:21:00

2004-04-09T04:21:43Z

Feeling Jaded....

walkin along a dirt road, wind blowing her hair, not really knowin' what to do

thinkin' of her past and wishing things turned out differently. cars stroll by with dust following shortly after.

the sun makes her skin feel like a firework about to explode and sparkle. Many thoughts accur in her head and she flashes back to horrific times of sadness she has had in her life, a bleeding heart that wont stop bleeding.

many people lost, many tears shed, many wars of self pity, wany lives come and gone and nothing she can do about it, its over now.

where will this road take her?

kalewialoha @ 2004-04-08T23:12:00

2004-04-09T04:13:08Z

ack................i've missed you guys!

xanga site...

2004-04-01T04:11:10Z

check out my site at xanga...some of drews friends use xanga so I checked it out! So I want you all to check mine out!

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=kalewialoha

I almost like it better than lj because it gives more options, bigger pictures, i can put a chatterbox thingy in it and if you became a member theres a lot more options its pretty cool. Anyway! Enjoy I suppose!

look at what i found!

2004-03-30T08:01:03Z

http://christopherclarkphotography.com/gal_senior.html#

Check it out!! It's me! In the red car, sunglasses!! I'm famous! j/k!

very long entry about BTK....Only read if interested.

2004-03-30T05:43:49Z

Hopefully this is a lil better. Do you know BTK? He's smart, and he probably fits right in. From the clues he's left, the killer tells us about who he is. BY ROY WENZL The Wichita Eagle We prefer our killers stupid and sloppy, like the Carr brothers -- caught within hours. BTK plays by other rules. He's no bungling thug. BTK is quick-witted, organized, smart, free... and now he's back. But who is this man thought to have killed eight people, terrorizing us 25 years ago and dropping back into our lives last week? In the everyday life he's living (and he's probably living it among us), he might not only blend in, he might be easy to like. Your friend. Your neighbor. The lawyer guy. The firefighter across the street. The teacher. The Boeing guy with a union card and Wichita roots. Some old hands like former police investigator Mike McKenna think he's a loner, but that doesn't mean he acts like a nut or talks to no one, or can't tell a good story from a bar stool. He is "a yellow-bellied snake of a coward of a creature," as the old sheriff Vern Miller called him Thursday. But he's free, in part because he arranges his everyday life as carefully as he lays his secret plans. He probably looks like... us. So let's look at him. BTK has shown us traces of a personality, faint but discernible. We can see these traces in his acts and words. For the victims, for the police and for ourselves, we need to study the faint portrait that BTK's notes and murders provide us. BTK wants to inspire fear; let him inspire us to effort. This is BTK's faintly etched self-portrait, based not only on yellowing newspaper clips and police news conferences, but on the notes BTK sent, and the carefully tied knots he left wrapped around the ankles and wrists and throats of the souls he killed. BTK knows he's smart. He flaunts it. He probably flaunts it in everyday life, too. In the density of detail he typed out about the Otero murder, the reader can see his ego "Those... you have in custody are just talking to get publicity," BTK wrote to The Eagle in 1974. "I did it by myself and with no ones help. There has been no talk either. Let's put it straight..." BTK is depraved. "I always suspected that he took pictures, and that he possibly made tape recordings of his kills," said McKenna, a former Wichita police investigator who now is police chief in Baldwin City. "From what I hear now about this latest message, that it includes photographs, we know now that he did take pictures. I think he probably made recordings, too. He'd be able to play them back, relive the excitement of the kill." His depravity went beyond pictures. Keith Sanborn, now 81, served as the Sedgwick County district attorney in 1974, when BTK bound, gagged and strangled the four Oteros. It was the first BTK killing, though no one knew it at the time. Within hours of the murders, Sanborn walked into the Otero house. "I wish I could wipe the memory clean," he said Thursday. "It looked depraved. There was a disrespecting of the dead people. I don't think we wanted some of the details of that disclosed, to head off false confessions, but there were several things done. "It was bad. It hurt everyone involved emotionally. I've never been able to shake the memory of it." No arrest ever came of it, because the killer prepared for and performed his work with thought and care. The police drawings of the crime scene showed detailed, careful work. Cords. Ropes. Hoods. In crime, and probably in real life, BTK displays a wry sense of humor, though like Hitler, he seems to prefer the taunting humor that belittles others' weaknesses, ignorances or wounds. He probably shows flashes of the same kind of humor in everyday life. Wry, critical of others, critical of authority. He wrote poems about his victims. He sent messages years ago, complaining that California's "Zodiac Killer" seemed to be getting more publicity than BTK, McKenna said. In the note he sent the community after the Otero murders, BTK wrote a detailed description of the crime scene, noting that Mr. Otero's wristwatch was missing: "I needed one so I took it," he wrote. "Runs good." In his Otero note, he tends to be short of sentence, but long-winded. Like people in everyday life who equate braininess with overwriting, he buries his readers in detail. The Otero note goes on and on. But it also shows a careful observer: minute description beyond the desire or memory of most people. He might even have taken notes over the bodies. He painstakingly describes body positions, items and colors of clothing, types of ropes and gags and cords and hoods employed for each victim. He made spelling errors, typing mistakes and worded sentences awkwardly , but might be faking those. "It was almost like English wasn't his first language," said Ken Stephens, a former Eagle reporter who covered BTK for years. "But I suspect nearly every clue he's ever given involves misdirection." Stephens, now with the Dallas Morning News, is a thorough reporter; he still has his BTK notes, though he left The Eagle 19 years ago. He dug them out Friday, and e-mailed some details. After the Otero murder, BTK wrote that long note, stuck it in a book at the Wichita library, and called Don Granger, an editorial board member at The Eagle, to tell him where to find it. Stephens interviewed Granger later. The caller did not identify himself as BTK. He said "Listen and listen good, I'm only gonna say this once," Granger said. He then said there was a letter about the Otero case in a book in the public library. He identified the book, possibly by number. Granger then called the police and they went and got it. Granger never saw or touched the letter. Granger recalls the voice as being "hard and aggressive." No accent. Definitely Midwestern U.S. Seemed to be 25 to 35, also seemed to be someone "who seemed to be used to giving orders. Not someone who wanted to give orders. Someone who was used to giving orders." BTK likes to stir things up. He did so in 1978, when he sent notes revealing that the Otero murders and three others were linked. An Eagle reporter, Casey Scott, covered the news conference revealing, for the first time, that Wichita harbored a serial killer of at least seven people. "The whole town was talking about it, every barber shop and beauty shop, gossiping about it for years," said Scott, now assistant athletic director at Kansas State. "People talked about it endlessly, speculating, wondering whether the cops had bungled the first investigation on the Oteros, wondering if they'd done a good job. It was the source of endless debate." BTK seemed to like this, Scott said. He stirred up Wichita again Thursday. "I went to a gathering this morning, a board meeting of the Parallax Drug Treatment Center," Miller said Thursday. "Every woman there felt terrified; every man was furious, and wanted to hunt the yellow coward down." Miller was Kansas attorney general when BTK first killed, then served as Sedgwick County district attorney from 1977 to 1981. He never worked directly on a BTK case, but remembers how the state talked about it. "Now everyone feels frightened again," he said. "I talked to an old friend last night, and I'm sure he said what a lot of people think. He said, "Vern, tonight the gun lies beside the bed.' " Stephens, from his notes, reminds us that several people saw BTK. From a police interview Stephens did on July 16, 1979, he heard that a female postal clerk actually talked to BTK when he came in at 4 a.m. on June 16 that year to mail one of his communiques, this one to KAKE-TV. "A female postal clerk happened to open a door and a man was standing there. He said 'put this in the KAKE box' and handed the envelope to her. She didn't think much about it. "Later, she described him as about 30 years old, about 5 feet nine inches tall, white. He was wearing a blue jean jacket, jeans and gloves (in June!) He was clean shaven, with hair cropped short above the ears. He had a gap between his front teeth." BTK is disciplined. For example, evidence he left behind shows that BTK's murders involved sexual overtones. In most serial killers, the sexual element compels the criminal to take risks, dispensing sometimes with careful planning. Not BTK. "He is either quite smart with a great deal of self -control, or he's one of luckiest individuals on the face of the planet," said Bill Hirschman, an Eagle police and investigative reporter until 1994, who studied BTK for years. It's not luck, Hirschman said. "He has yet to make a bush league mistake. He plans. He stalks." In the Otero note, BTK mentions "putting victim's number down, follow them, checking up on them, waiting in the dark, waiting, waiting..." BTK waits intelligently, Hirschman said. "He can go months or years without rising into the radar." BTK has an ego. "Arrogance, self-confidence, a superiority complex," said Stephens, when asked what he recalls about BTK's letters. "You could tell he felt safe." He obviously thinks he's more intelligent than the police, Hirschman said. "Why else would he rise out of his rabbit hole, send letters? "He's looking for recognition. And there's careful planning in that, too. Some of the things he did, he did on the anniversaries of his killings. I suspect if we figured the whole thing out, we'd find a reason for every single thing he ever did." "Experts" on BTK have said a number of things about him. Some seem to think he's smart and highly educated; some said he's not smart, not highly educated. These contradictions probably amuse BTK. "Some people have speculated that he's a weirdo, and probably appears a weirdo in everyday life," Stephens said. "But I'm not sure about that. He's good at this, and again, it could be misdirection." Others, including McKenna, have speculated that he's a loner. But if so, that doesn't mean he always keeps to himself. Some loners interact easily with people when they choose. Consider these words, from a Feb. 11, 1978, clipping from The Eagle. It concerns the death of BTK victim Shirley R. Vian. Her children told police that they had been held captive in the bathroom while a man the children said they didn't know attacked their mother. Vian's 6-year-old son was sent to a grocery store twice that morning on orders of his mother, who said she wasn't feeling well, police said. On returning from his second trip about 11:45 a.m., the boy was stopped near his house by a stranger, who shows him a picture of a child and woman and asked him if he recognized them. The boy told police that he had said no, but later the same man came to the door of Vian's home. He had a gun in one hand and a bowling bag or small suitcase in the other, the children told police. "Don't hurt us," Mrs. Vian said to the man, according to what the children told police. "I'm not going to," the man replied, then started to tie up Mrs. Vian's 8-year-old son. He's capable of mistakes. "He left several living witnesses," Stephens said. "Vian's children, for example. (Kathryn) Bright's brother, though BTK shot him in the head. And he made a phone call, which was recorded. He's come close to getting caught." He made one mistake that looms larger in his imagination now, no doubt. He left his DNA at several crime scenes. In the 1970s, when he killed most of his victims, most people hadn't a clue what DNA was. Now there are entire television shows devoted to how police and forensic scientists use it to identify killers. Even with his mistakes, he can ad-lib a crime in progress, think on his feet. When BTK broke into Kathryn Bright's home and hid in the closet on April 4, 1974, he probably didn't think she'd come home with her brother, and that the brother would fight heroically. But here's how BTK reacted, from a story published in the Eagle on Feb. 12, 1978: According to a report given to police by Kevin Bright, the man told them he wouldn't hurt them, but needed money and their car for a trip to New York. He said he was wanted by police in California. The man forced Bright to tie his sister to a chair, then took Bright to another room, where he was tied and gagged, police said. The man left the room and rummaged through the house for several minutes, Bright told police. The man returned to the room where Bright was tied, and began strangling him with a rope. Bright told police he struggled and got his hands free. The man then shot Bright in the forehead. The killer returned to the living room, where Miss Bright was tied, police said. Bright told police he heard his sister say 'What have you done to my brother?' The man returned to the room where Bright was tied, and began strangling Bright a second time. Bright said he again struggled. The man shot him again, with the second bullet hitting him in the face just above the mouth. Bright said he feigned death, and remembered hearing his sister moaning from the next room. Bright said he was able to escape through a side door and flag down a passing motorist. Police found Miss Bright with three stab wounds to the abdomen.... The overriding trait Stephens remembers of BTK is arrogance tempered by extraordinary planning. "He never revealed his writing; everything was typed and Xeroxed or written with letter block stamps or something like that. Every crime he did was carefully scouted out. He'd pick a victim, follow them, figure out when they'd be coming home, get in while they were out, and wait for them." He likes mystery. Among the mysteries: Where has he been since 1979? The sender of the latest message is definitely BTK, police say. The last known contact before that occurred in 1979. "The common assumption would be that he's been in prison, or maybe living somewhere else, doing the same thing perhaps," Stephens said. "I don't know about that. He could have been living in town the whole time." McKenna thinks that's what BTK did... lived among us all these years. "But whoever he is, whatever he's done, he's not made the right mistakes yet," McKenna said. BTK will never give us good clues, Stephens said. But while we worry, BTK worries too, just a little bit. "He does not want to get caught," Stephens said. "He does not want to get dragged into court, to have his identity revealed, to have his idiosyncrasies exposed, examined and ridiculed."

1st day of vacation:

2004-03-30T00:45:16Z

Was a bore! Did absolutely nothing.